Six Notebooks

Perhaps read this first

Sat Shikantaza for twenty minutes in Caribou. Literally. Not in the lotus position. Not in the half-lotus position but seated on a bench in Caribou. Thinking about question 2 above.

What is crossing over?

Goalless meeting the goal. Letting go of thinking to be in non-thinking. Trying to still the intellectual mind. Letting the body/mind rest in the birding net. What is caught and what passes through?

Not repeating the offense. Exhaling in the dark, dark, dark place.

Yuantong’s requested answer was in his question. Exhale. Release. In that dark place, in that place of remorse, in that place of trouble, in that place of mistake and offense, release the mistake. Do not carry it on and on and on. Admit the fault, but do not wallow in it. Do not repeat it endlessly in one’s mind. Let it pass through the birding net.

For me, this means not living in guilt and shame because of the past. Learn from it, do not relive it. Do not castigate and scorn myself. Further, it means not letting the mistake become a pattern. It is too easy to think, “Well, I did that I can do it again.” Even knowing it is wrong, mistakes can be repeated. Offenses can be re-offended. Don’t! Make it once, not again.

It is also realizing that there are new mistakes that can be made. That I will make mistakes. That life is littered, past and future, with mistakes. That I will make mistakes. But living is action. Acceptance that I will act and sometimes act wrongly but learn from all of it. Move on. Move forward. Smarter, perhaps with one less mistake of the infinite possible mistakes to be repeated.

In this, the joy of letting go. Of living. Of acting. Of doing the best one can without recrimination, but with care. With compassion, for myself and for others, with doing as well as I can the next right thing.

We are imperfect. I am imperfect. But that doesn’t absolve me from having to act. As Dainan Katagiri Roshi said, “You have to say something.” Knowing we are imperfect, we still have to act. Knowing that our actions are never without fault, we have to act.

We muddle along. Carrying each other. In care and compassion. We carry each other.

Peace

Be Well.